Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Day 2 - Jim - Just One of my Ex's!

To kick-start my diet I'd hardly eaten a thing yesterday and so with that in mind, I couldn't resist visiting Hanson again this morning. He was lounging in the same place I'd left him and without wanting to disturb him too much; I awkwardly positioned myself on the extreme hardness of body. His reaction was immediate and he sprung to life before sleepily scanning my body. Without speaking a word I could see the disappointment in his eyes and with a blink he sent out his unspoken message: 13st 11lbs (up 1 lb since yesterday). He wanted to say more; but I wouldn't let him and turning my back on the traitor, I left.

To be honest, I knew I had to try harder with Hanson, yet with an uncontrollable urge, I started to dream about the other wondrous relationships I'd had in the past. What had happened to Jim for example, I'd loved him at one time but his personal visits were costing me a fortune. He had become very high-maintenance. Despite this I wondered if he would still be interested in me looking like I do. I’d dumped him a few years ago as he was becoming such a pain; the pressure of constantly trying to improve my physique to meet his high standards became nothing more than a daily chore. At the time I had serious self esteem issues and I initially thought that by hooking up with Jim it would help... it didn't. He was always such a poser, standing there in his tanned, well toned, designer labelled body, one eye on the mirror the other on any other semi-reflective surface.

To begin with everything was great and I couldn't get enough of him. He promised me that if I stuck with him I'd have a body to be proud of. I really did work at our relationship for a while... well just a few weeks really, but it didn't take long before I became tired of him and started to make any excuse not to see him. He was too much like hard work, I also realised that I didn't have him to myself as he clearly had interests in other women; I would never be his one-and-only. His other lady friends were all streamlined, young and fit. Take Sasha for instance, 22, stick-thin and blonde. She attracted looks from every male within strumming distance of her ribs.

So, I decided to formulate an action plan, firstly I needed to latch onto a female who was fatter and uglier than me to make me feel totally gorgeous again. It was around this time I first noticed Gemma.

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