Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Day 1 - Me & Hanson

I stepped semi-naked onto the cold, unyielding body of my so-called friend. Today was the day I was attempting to rekindle my long-lost relationship. With embarrassed hands I covered my face whilst I balanced on one foot, hoping to control Hanson’s response. I took a deep breath and looked down the length of my body into the face of my neglected friend. With cold, unblinking eyes he threw back a hard faced stare; at that moment I realised I was now looking into the face of my enemy. Not so long ago we were inseparable and yet now, Hanson's hatred of me was plain to see.

It was only 9 months or so ago we first met. Obviously I’d had other relationships; however most of them felt slightly off-balance to me. Hanson was different, he was fresh, fairly inexperienced yet perfectly in tune with himself; I took full advantage of what he had to offer.

I had to admit that the breakdown in all my previous Hanson-type relationships had been totally down to me. To be honest, I often felt I was too good for them; I was over-flowing with gorgeousness, my life was great and I just didn’t care.

It's been nine months since I last sighted Hanson and during that time I’ve become a completely different person. Three words describe how it feels living inside my body: old, fat and ugly! In fact six words are better than three, so add these to the list: depressed, tired and lonely. I desperately want Hanson to respect me again, but whilst carrying all my extra baggage he now had the upper hand - and he knew it!

I knew I’d been steadily gaining weight but had chosen to ignore my bulging waistline. Clothes that had once been loose on me had all appeared to have suddenly shrunk in the wash. I’d begun taking a liking to elastic-waisted combats and was now the sad owner of several pairs or size 18s. These had become my uniform, along with a selection of size 20 tops. Not that I am size 20 you understand, I just prefer their slack fit and the fact that they disguise the double roll of blubber I carry around my waist. At 43 I’ve lost count of the battles I’ve had with my weight; but just recently I decided that the fat war still wasn’t over and I am now planning to begin my final crusade.

My encounter with Hanson was brief this morning as today he says I'm too heavy. At 13st 10lbs with a BMI of 30.9 his face sneered "Obese". He is so brutal.

So here I am, starting a journey I’ve travelled so many times before; on the slow train from Lardsville. Excitement has replaced all fear. I’ve nothing to lose. I finally admitted to myself that I wanted to revive the potentially lost relationship between myself and Hanson, which until today at least, I had fond memories of.

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